2. The change in the relationship is a tough road to navigate for many a caregiver. Suddenly privy to the most intimate facts of the loved one’s life, you will have access to financial records and many other documents that may bring to light carefully guarded secrets. In addition to the foregoing, because of some of the secrets that you may uncover, you will not feel comfortable going to friends and family for support. Sometimes these revelations are more than you feel you can cope with, and the support of a group of likeminded individuals is invaluable.

3. Unfortunately, the change in the caregiver to patient relationship is irreversible and this knowledge will very often contribute to a caregiver’s sinking into a severe depression her or himself. If you find that you are having nagging doubts about your self worth, or carry excessive guilt about your inability to meet your loved one’s needs better, if you are unable to sleep well, notice severe changes in your appetite and subsequent your weight, if you are consistently tired and moody, then you may need to take some time out and visit a doctor who will be able to help you through this bout of depression. This is not an unusual experience for caregivers, but left unchecked, it will severely decrease your quality of life. Your physician may suggest your joining a support group, enter into some “talking therapy” and perhaps also prescribe some medication to help with the worst of the symptoms.

4. A very serious problem that is experienced by patients is that of abuse. Sadly, it is often a caregiver who is the abuser, and sometimes the caregiver may not even realize what she or he is doing. Some kinds of abuse are obvious, for example physical abuse that causes injury or emotional abuse that evidences itself in verbal threats or verbal assaults. Yet there are some kinds of abuse that are a lot harder to detect and that are not being done because the caregiver is trying to abuse the patient, but simply to help her or him cope with the situation, for example unnecessary confinement, when the loved one is restrained longer than needed simply to give the caregiver a break. If you find that you are snapping at your loved one, treating her or him more roughly than necessary, and simply wish she or he would just stay in her or his room for a few hours, you need a break. Your feelings are entirely normal and this is the time to enlist other to help in the care giving to give you a day or afternoon off.

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