When a loved member of the family gets a crippling disease, it can be nearly impossible to discuss it with a young child. There will be many conflicting emotions and questions that develop in the uninformed mind. Unfortunately, children very rarely come right out and say what it is they’re feeling, be it because they don’t know what it is they’re feeling, or because they simply don’t want to talk about it. Either way, it makes the job of the parent a lot more difficult. There are a few ways to help the child cope, and there are also a few activities to try, to keep the child in touch with the family member.

Before discussing a degenerative disease like Alzheimer’s, you must plan in advance for what the child could feel. You need to be prepared for every possible way the child could take the news, so you’re ready no matter what happens. The first and most common emotion when a child learns of the disease is that of sadness. The child is sad, and uncomfortable with what is happening to the relative. This is followed closely by confusion and fear. Children don’t have a very good grasp on what Alzheimer’s is, and even with the best of explanations they’re still going to be confused about why Grandma has begun to behave differently than usual. After they’ve figured out what exactly Alzheimer’s is, many children will be hesitant to spend time with Grandma, believing they might catch the disease, or that their parents will. You must put that fear to rest immediately, so that the children know they have nothing to fear.

On the other side of the emotional spectrum, some children may begin to develop somewhat darker emotions. These include anger, frustration, guilt and jealousy. The reasons for those are varied. Some will be angry because they have to repeat questions, or will have trouble doing activities with the relative. After that, they’ll feel guilty for being angry, believing that they should know better. Later on, they may even become jealous or resentful of the Alzheimer’s victim, mostly because of the increased time that the rest of the family seems to spend worrying about them.

To discuss Alzheimer’s with a child, you have to keep everything simple, while at the same time preparing them for what’s to come. Make sure you fully understand it, so that you know how to answer questions when they inevitably pop up. Tell them that Grandma is still the same person she always was, but that she won’t remember things that well and sometimes she won’t know what she’s doing. Make sure you mention that the disease is not contagious.

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